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Today's joke

^ & ^^ Isn't it though!

A mate sent it to me a couple of days ago, and I have been giggling about it ever since.

The people who think these things up are really very clever and creative.
 
Thats brilliant :lol: :rotfl:

I like his reply too...

"It's current location may be discovered by deciphering the following set of clues to it's whereabouts"

1. It's in the letterbox again.
2. Look in the letterbox.

Regards
Mr Turbo
 
Ambidextrous Golfer

A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf until one transferred to another city... It wasn't the same without him.


A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round.

She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good.
Would you mind if I joined you next week?"




The three guys looked at each other.

Not one of them wanted to say 'yes,' but she had them on the spot.
Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early - at 6:30 a.m.




He figured the early tee-time would discourage her.

The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late.
They rolled their eyes, but said okay.
She smiled and said "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."



She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.

She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed.
Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week.
She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."



The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp.

Only this time, she played left-handed.
The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round,
despite playing with her off-hand.
They were totally amazed.



They couldn't figure her out.

She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up.
They invited her back again,
but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her...



The third week, the guys had their game faces on.

But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable.
This week the lady played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.



The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part.

However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play,
they couldn't hold a grudge.
Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads.

This woman was a riddle no one could figure out.
They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank,
"How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"



The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said.

"When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous.
I like to switch back and forth.
When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude.
From then on, I developed a silly habit...
Right before I left in the morning for golf practice,
I would pull the covers off him.
If his Ole Fella was pointing to the right,
I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."



The guys on the team thought this was hysterical.

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back,
"But what if it's pointing straight up?"

She said,

"Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

 
Deer Hunting

[FONT=&quot]It was Sunday morning when Bill, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go nail the first deer of the season.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Judy, sitting there, fully decked out in camouflage overalls.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Bill asks her, "Ummm, What are you up to?".[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Judy smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!".[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Bill, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Two hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside the city. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Bill sets his overly anxious wife up safely in the deer stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.".[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant.... much less a deer. Not
15 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears a breakout of gunshots. Quickly, Bill starts running back. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
As Bill gets closer to her stand, he hears Judy screaming, "Get away from my deer!".[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Confused and frightened Bill races faster towards his screaming wife.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
And again he hears her scream, "Get away from my deer, now!" followed by another volley of gunfire![/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Now, within sight of where he had left his wife, Bill is surprised to see a Texas cowboy, with his hands high in the air.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!".[/FONT]
 
Law of Mechanical Repair-
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.



Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.



Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
 
The Duck

A friend just sent me this:

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,

"Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!"
Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too,"
Says the duck.


"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that,"


Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.


"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.


"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him


"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.


"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,


"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job,"


Says the duck.


"Where is it?"

"At the circus,"


Says the barman.

"The circus?"


Repeats the duck.

"That's right,"


Replies the barman.

"The circus?"


The duck asks again.




with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says


"Why the HELL would they want a plasterer?"
 
Notice no mention of the Haflinger although its big brother, the Pinzgauer, is there.
Owned one in the NT many years ago and it could literally go anywhere even if it was at a maximum speed of about 75kms/hour......
With its extreme low first of about 65:1 you could get out and walk alongside it up steep hills. In fact it could climb better than I could.
 
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